08. Funemployed

It was so early in a Sunday to remember the exact time. I was still in dilemma on whom to pick between Ellen Page and Avril Lavigne, who were brutally fighting a 300-ish battle with cudgels and boulders to win over me, when I was awaken by a loud bang on my bedroom.

Annoyed by the way I was pulled off my custom-made heaven in a jiffy, I opened the door thinking how hard I can bang on my roomie Susanth’s face. Unlike me he used to wake up early in the morning even on weekends. But think his horoscope had predicted a better day for him, for it wasn’t Susanth who was standing outside.

“Machan, I need your help. Close the door” came in Krishna.

I hurriedly closed the door and sat beside him. “What do you need?” I asked him.

“Nothing. You had done half the job by closing the door. All I want you to do is to not open it until today evening.” He said, and with a tone that oozed seriousness, which further puzzled me with doubts on his sanity.

Getting my thought process from my concerned looks, he cleared “My parents are dragging me to this match making ritual. It’s some uncle’s daughter in our native village”

I totally forgot about this until he said this now. He should have been happily floating in his family car day dreaming about his prospective wife, miles away from his current state, looking like an ostrich boiled in a clay pot, in my room. I was wondering what was keeping him from what he was supposed to do; considering his personal attributes, a girl from the farm lands would totally suit Krishna’s good boy attitudes.

“What shall I say to Anushka” Krishna continued “Plus she was totally showing all the signals.”

Oh! I totally forgot about his crush on Anushka, the hottie from our office. But I never thought that it was serious enough to make him skip a bride-seeing ritual. And I don’t remember her showing him even the traffic signals which Krishna often misses; to talk about the kind of signals he says is blind drunk.

“You are not even engaged. You are just going to see her and get engaged if both the parties are interested” I tried to cajole him.

“The issue is that both the parties are ‘extremely’ interested that am excluded from the party list, and you know about my dad. It’s death knell for my love.” He replied.

“What??? Love?? You haven’t even proposed to Anushka, and going by your progress with her you would only propose to her granddaughter, and she doesn’t even look like the lover girl types.” I snapped back.

“But I don’t want to make a mistake in my life by not trying.” he kept up his side of argument.

That’s exactly the same reason I wanted him to see this girl. Going by the expressions he was exhibiting whenever she passed by, it was anybody’s guess who Krishna’s lady interest was, and Anushka being so bright a student from her kinder garden (she had even showed her LKG grade cards for proof) was one among the first to decipher it, but among the last few to admit knowing about it. She herself told me that she did not have any intentions of that sort with Krishna and wanted me, being his best friend to convey him the same.

I was waiting for a suitable time to convey the same and secretly hoping (or praying?) that the occasion would never arise, and for the same reason I was the happiest, may be after his parents, on hearing about this uncle’s daughter of Krishna’s.

I generally hate watching Karan Johar/ Bansalee type melodrama, but I thanked God I had watched those movies, cos those were the inspirations for the words I used to convince him go see the prospective bride. But he agreed on one condition that I agree to come with him.

So, after about an hour of dressing up and light packing, we were on the way along one of the bumpy roads of rural India along with Krishna’s Granddad. “Why only your Granddad” I asked him when we got time to chitchat alone.

“It’s our family custom da. Seems when one of our great granddads went to see a bride for his son, the bride got so attracted by him that she showed interests to get married to the father rather than the son, and polygamy was pretty common in those days.” I could not control my laughter even until he completed the story. “And that’s why only the Granddad goes with the lad to see his bride the first time” he finished.

Driving alone with his grand dad was a little difficult, since he seemed to growl whenever we had a laugh or our talk lead towards his academic achievements in college. Think what more the great Mr.Venkat Narayanan (his grandpa) expected from his grandson, he was the topper of our class and I lost count of the number of awards he had won from various science competitions.

“The girl’s brother is a moron. Boasts of being a UK return every second. Lucky we’ll not meet him today.” Krishna was telling me the nth reason this girl was not suitable for him, none the more reasonable than this. “And you know what he said when I asked about his job? Said he was ‘funemployed’ a salvaging word to say that he was dumped by his recession driven company.” He went on.

The last few words must have reached his grand dad’s scrutinising ears, cos he screeched halted the car and asked him to come to front of the car and sit beside him. I wonder why his granddad insisted on self-driving when we could have taken their driver, or let one of us drive. Though it was his egomaniac act, I did admire his driving at this age.

Now, sitting alone in the back seat, I could not freely talk with him without being heard by his grand dad. So I resorted to listening songs from my music player which also doubles up as a cell phone. I always do this ‘mind mapping’ thing whenever I find it hard to pass off time. I usually start with some word and then go on thinking about things that are related to it, which further branch off to something else; and when you reconcile to find what words you began with it will be interesting. I once began with my high school math teacher and ended up with NASA’s mission to mars through chopsticks and Sachin Tendulkar.

Thinking of Sachin Tendulkar made me relate to the word ‘funemployed’. The term funemeployed means doing something you love (like painting, biking etc.) when you are unemployed. What if the work you do is the one you like the most, like Sachin. He is funemployed with cricket that the whole world is in awe at him.

No other player can make the whole stadium praying for you when you are playing against the home team. And I get to see myself supporting Mumbai Indians in IPL even when my fellow Tamil brigades deem me disloyal to Chennai Super Kings. When I inadvertently let this to be known to Anushka, she got serious suspicions of me having interests on her (did I forget to mention that she’s a Mumbaikkar?) “I don’t know why all your friends are like this?” she said with a tone that was wanting to be of agitation, but showing only that she was enjoying the attention she was getting.

Luckily the drive was only about an hour and the village we went was not that under developed. The bride’s place could compete with a decent residence in the city and like Krishna said some of their relatives stayed abroad and came there only for vacations.

They received us well and the whole village seemed to have seen Krishna’s photo a million times, cos none of them mistook me for the prospective groom. The crowd was not big as you would see in a Bollywood movie, it was about a few close relatives and someone even joked about the custom of grandpa coming with the groom to see the bride. The bride was pretty and would suit the image one would relate Krishna’s expectation with. After a few customary words they allowed the bride to talk with Krishna alone for a few minutes, considering that ‘both the parties’ had fixed the wedding beforehand.

I could not get to speak with Krishna about his thoughts about the girl since we were scanned by the brides’ people for even a glimmer of indication about Krishna’s decision. It looked like they were eyeing him like the way we used to look at our school teacher before giving away the report cards. Krishna’s granddad saved the day by saying that it was not customary to give consent on the same day as when the bride and groom first met and was deemed accepted by nods from a couple of village oldies.

When we were returning back I still had to sit in the back seat with Krishna in the front seat with his granddad. It was tough silence for the initial part of the return journey and I sought refuge in Avril Lavigne in my ear phones, from the hot sun outside and Mr.Venkat’s presence inside.

The car halted in a village on the way. Granddad asked Krishna to get water melon from the shop nearby. “Know to bargain. Don’t you?” he growled at him. When I was about to get down along with him, he said “Let him go alone. Needs to learn doing things by himself.”

So cursing my fate I had to endure silence in presence of Mr.Dragon who looked smoking fire under his nostrils. Finding the price not acceptable his granddad asked Krishna to go in search of shops with ‘reasonable’ rates, and to my agony he readily obliged.

Time seemed to be running like the Tortoise in ‘Hare and Tortoise’ only a little slower. “What are you listening to?” he diverted his attention towards me.

“Avril Lavigne” I said.

“Looks like a girl’s voice? He said

“She’s a girl.” I replied

“What are you guys listening nowadays. You have become sissies. Listening to girl singers, even the male stars sing like they have borrowed their female lead’s vocal cords. The singers of my age ‘Bob Dylan’, ‘Elvis Presley’ they were real men….” He went on

I wanted to argue how they were more ‘men’ than the current rock stars. But I was more amazed by the fact that the father of Mr. Shesadhry (Krishna’s dad) was speaking about rock and pop stars. “Look at Krishna, he’s just doing what he’s being told by his dad. Has no mind for himself. My wife mollycoddled my son and he has passed on it to his son. Going for a job before having had anything other than milk for refreshment. I used to hit the road, I never did that I didn’t like even in my job” He still wasn’t finished.

All these days Krishna used to say how he wasn’t able to satisfy his granddad in academics. Seems that he wanted him to do not just academics. But am sure that the misunderstanding on Krishna’s part is not just his fault.

“And now this marriage, even my marriage was a love marriage. But see him, toeing like a puppy on the lines of his dad. And above all making me take him to the ritual, stupid customs.” Mr. Venkat was adding shocks after shocks to my already flummoxed brains.

Luckily Krishna had come with watermelons to help me with the aftershock. For the first time in the day I felt silence more than welcome and for the first time in my life could not find peace in Avril Lavigne. His granddad was like the roadie of his time or what you call the ‘funemployed’ of the 60s India.

I was wondering why his granddad opened up to me, a total stranger. May be he sensed that Krishna was not interested in this girl and may be that he wanted me to convey it to him that it was OK with him if Krishna says ‘No’ to this girl. Why is it that I get to convey all the uncomfortable messages?

I was still waiting for a time to tell Krishna about Anushka’s decision regarding him and now I had to convey his grandpa’s message too.
Think I didn’t mention the reason Anushka said for not being interested in him. “He’s so sweet to me. But he’s too studious, sometimes looks like workaholic.”
And I did not get what the poor guy did wrong with that. May be it’s a ‘girl thing’ –a word which the fairer sex have started using prevalently to defy questions of logic.

And am still praying the situations of discomfort never come up, hoping that gods answer to my prayers from the car in a lonely road amidst nothing other than hot sun and dry land.

Think gods can hear better when they have lesser noise. My prayers in the lonely road were answered in form of Krishna agreeing to marry the girl. Seems that the girl had been to a college in the city and had similar interests. In words of Krishna “She’s what every guy would like – a girl of modern attitude with traditional values”

On the day of engagement I found his grandpa still growling, which I knew were indications of him being disappointed again with his grandson. May be he felt that both his son and grandson weren’t like him, who did not question for reasons or rebel against conventions. I felt the urge to speak to him and with courage I had never thought I had, went to him “Grandpa. Can I speak to you?”

He just made a gesture with his eyes which meant ‘yes’.

“Your grandson is so like you.” I said and he looked at me like I knew nothing.

But I had to continue “You defied your peers who were your relatives, by choosing adventure instead of stability. Choosing what you wanted instead of what was conventional” He seemed to agree with what I said.

“Krishna is the same. Only that the peers are his friends and colleagues. Here it’s cool to bunk, cool to be in the shortcut, cool not to be serious in academics. But that’s what he likes and that’s what he does. And that requires equal if not more mental calibre than what you had.”

There was a silence for a moment which appeared like eons. “Thanks… what’s your name?” he asked me.

“Rakesh” I said.

“Thanks Rakesh.” He said, “Seems you are so proud of him. Good thing he has a friend like you. May be I too would be proud of him in the future” he patted my back and took me to the dinner hall.

Before I left I asked him “So your marriage was really a love marriage?”

“It was.” He replied, “Only that my wife doesn’t know it was a love marriage.” Seeing my confused looks he explained “I loved Mangalam (Krishna’s Grandma) the moment I saw her in Mylapore Temple, which was near her home. I used to roam behind her. Luckily her brother was my friend and he fixed our marriage. No one else knows about it. Even my wife.”

I knew that the best thing then was not to reply and let Mr.Venkat Narayanan enjoy the nostalgic feelings he was going through. I saw Krishna, the other funemployed person of this family (only in a different way from his granddad) coming down the stage tired yet happily smiling.

He was surprised to find me speaking so long with his granddad. “He never used to speak much with anyone other than my Granny’s elder brother, and since my granny passed away three years ago, he is almost an ascetic. What did you do?” he asked me when we were alone

I didn’t know what to reply. So I just smiled and joined along with the gang that had Anushka in the centre. I read somewhere that girls like guys who are with other girls. Is that true?

- P.S: The dictionary meaning of the word ‘funemployed’ is different from what you might find being contextually used in this piece of literature. But I firmly believe that a person, who does anything in life just for the sake of doing it, even if the entity of interest is not adventurous enough or is considered boring by general perception, is funemployed.