07. Fool's Garden

The only similarity between ragging and Fool’s day is that during both you can tell ‘I Love You’ without the fear of rejection
- Anonymous

What if someone proposes to you on the Fool’s day? Will you accept the proposal? Or will you rub it off like another prank played on you?

These were the thoughts going on in my mind when my Boss interrupted my open-eyed day dream. “Rakesh, have you prepared the backup document for the ISO audit?” not understanding the internal turmoil I have been going through. If it were someone else I could have easily made him another fool on the fool’s day. Knowing his innate ability to catch me while lying, I grudgingly had to go back to my whirl pooling tunnel of a job.

Though I was superficially doing things that were related to the audit, my mind at a deeper level was processing about things related to Swathi....
Swathi Premchand, one among the ‘She’s out of my League’ girls every ordinary guy meets in his life. I saw her the first day in office. About a hundred of us had gathered for the employee orientation held in that famous resort. There she was amidst all the male chauvinistic monkeys standing like a damsel in distress waiting for her very own Spiderman to rescue her. (It took months of guffawing on me before I realised how lame the dialogue was, after I inadvertently let ‘Pongy’ know my thought process). She was as cute as a baby rabbit, only with glasses and in a purple Kurta.

‘Roses with glasses, purple in colour’

There began my literary journey with my first poem, which along with many more to follow fetched me the special category award for “Mokkai Poet” in our company wide cultural fest.

“Her name is Sangeetha. Think she’s an Architect” said Pongy without even being asked. We had met just a few minutes back in the resort dinner hall and within a few minutes I knew (which was proved wrong later) that I would hate to even come near this guy. And the thing he said about Sangeetha (I mean Swathi) was one among the many sham guesstimates he was to make in the future.

Luckily for me she was not an Architect, and she was along with me posted in the same wing, her cubicle a few feet away from mine. But still the name ‘Architect’ remained among us (me and Pongy) as the code word for Swathi. We even used to comment when she’s nearby, “Hey Pongy, the ‘Archi’ girl’s awesome today” and Swathi would be asking us “Who’s that yaar? I know almost all the Archi girls and I can even give her an intro if you promise me a treat” Hate to admit it, but I feel that girls look so.... coddlesome when they look naive.

But these incidents were far and few and the most regular routines involve a ‘hi’ and at times ‘anything spl..??’. And none of those exchanges showed any signals about the impending event that happened on the first of April.

As usual I came a little early to the office. The climate nowadays is pretty horrible, may be the ‘Al Gore’ movie had little truth in it. To add to it, the sunshine had given me blisters in my tongue to physically and constantly remind me how painful real life is. I had to constantly screen my words and choose a vocabulary that needed minimal contact of tongue with any part of the oral cavity.

Unlike other days Swathi too had come earlier that day. ‘Unlike’ because pretty girls always have bosses who are ‘so.. sweet’ and they have the unquestioned privilege of coming at whichever time they find convenient. No complaints on the bosses; who can stand those cutesy eyes turning sore? That’s how life is and one has to manage with unfair advantages it has joyously strewn all over for your peers to pick up.

I saw her go past me to the coffee machine and as usual said a ‘hi’ with a smile. Thought of adding the occasionally used ‘so early.. anything spl ??’, but for want of spontaneity and my principle for that day of ‘minimal tongue movement’ I didn’t go past the first syllable. Since I don’t take coffee and also that she knows it (stupid Pongy, he once blurted out that ‘secret’ of mine and now I no more can have free coffee breaks like everyone else in office without facing a look of apprehension), I decided to stick with just sitting in my seat rather than look lame while trying to start a conversation with her, with a cup of coffee in my hand.

I never realised when she returned back to her seat as I got engulfed in my work (Trust me on this, though a little lazy I do some work @ office). I got a message from Swathi through the chat line ‘I Love You’ it said. For a moment I thought it was my eyes playing illusion at me. But it wasn’t.. I read it again, it had the same eight letters with two spaces in between. I slightly raised my head and tilted a little to see if someone else was playing a prank on me from her desk. It wasn’t someone else. I saw Swathi looking eagerly at her PC. It looked like she looked at me from the corners of her eyes, but quickly reverted back.

My mind was racing hullabaloo to get a proper response and just as I was starting to recollect the past few moments, I felt someone peeking from behind me into my screen. I quickly closed the chat line and turned back. It was Pongy at his casual best in his Friday attire. I always wonder why a guy with his persona and way of speaking still remains without having a girlfriend. May be because he uses his mouth too much to talk which goes against a girl’s dictionary meaning of ‘boy friend’ – a guy who hears all your blabbering without any questions or comments, either positive or other.

“What are you doing” he asked me with a wily smile. I was still trying to figure out if he had read the message I received from Swathi. Before I could muster any stupid reply that reveal that I was hiding something from him, he almost yelled “Hey, who’s that new girl?” And like any other sane guy, I forgot for a moment everything around me and stood up to see who it was. Finding nobody I turned back to Pongy “Where had she gone?”

He smiled triumphantly and said “I know you’d fall for that. Had to use ‘Is that really a Platinum ring?’ for Stella”

Damn. I totally forgot that it was April 1. I don’t know who invented it. May be it’s ‘celebrated’ only in India.

When did it become a major event?

“I have a list of items for everyone in office. Platinum for Stella, ‘new girl’ for you and... “, he looked for someone nearby, and spotted Swathi and continued “Geek guys like you for Swathi” he said pointing at her.

“Am not a geek” I said. I still was wondering if he was playing another trick on me. But I wanted believe that Swathi liked geeks and for the first time in my life since placements, wanted to be considered as a geek. Without even looking for my reaction Pongy went ahead to increase his number of scalps that day.

That was exactly when my Boss called me for the work related to audit and later dragged me to operate presentation in the meeting, and hence for most part of the day I could do nothing else about Swathi’s message but run through the events in my mind. Engulfed in these thoughts I lost control of my mind and hence my tongue, that I bit it more often thereby aggravating the pain in my life.

‘How would a girl like Swathi like a guy like me? Am the complete opposite of what a girl like her would prefer. I had browsed through her orkut profile for her likes and dislikes during the initial days we met (unlike most of my techy friends I still prefer orkut to Facebook). She likes dancing very much and even had written in her preference for ideal match as ‘tall, handsome and a good dancer’.
1. I can’t be called tall, but am of above average height.
2. Handsome is debatable and even that can be excused.
3. But dance... each of my friends who sees my name and ‘dance’ in the same sentence would immediately remember erstwhile actor ‘Ramarajan’ (Those who don’t know him just know that I suck in dance)

She found reading books as dull and was a member of ‘making fun of Vijayakanth’ club, the only Tamil hero I liked. She’d definitely find me soporific and outdated. Think she was trying to play a prank on me. Thinking of this I came out of the meeting hall to find Pongy seated in my seat. I wonder what he does in office; he looks like he always roams around the office, but still gets into good books of everyone.

“I hacked open your PC and read the message” he said.

“So you think Swathi really loves me? Or is it just another prank?” I asked him, hoping that he’d be sensible when situation demands.

He looked at me for a while, and said “I’ll be frank with you. She’s way out of your league” telling an universal truth which I knew already.

“And she knows it too” he continued, “So a girl like that will never want to be rejected by a guy like you”

“Why would I reject her?” I asked

He stared at me “That’s not the point. By proposing on Fool’s day she can always say that she was playing a trick on you, if you say NO.” he went on “And a girl will not propose straight forward, even for a prank, unless she’s really into a guy”

“So what should I do?”

“Look, am not an expert in this field. But I know that the right thing for you to do is to go and speak to her” he finished

I waited for the right time to speak to Swathi and came during the Lunch Break. I rose from my place and headed towards her table. Since it was Lunch break the floor was virtually empty.

I went near hear her and called “Swathi..”

“Yes ??” she looked back with an expectant smile.

“I need to speak about the ‘I Love You’ message” I said

She waited. Seeing me searching for words to speak, she continued “What did Parangiri say? Is it ‘Yes’ ?”. Parangiri was Pongy’s real name. Little confused I looked at her computer screen to find that Pongy’s name was just before my name in her contact list.

“Oh sorry, think I sent the message to you instead of Parangiri....” Looking at the reactions that went past my inhibition, she passed and asked “Did you take it any other way?” looking like she was looking at an injured puppy.

“It’s nothing yaar. I thought that you were trying to fool me.” I said, trying to conceal my emotions

“Are you Ok. You look rather dull” she asked.

“It’s just the blisters in my tongue, which hurts when I speak” the pain which was nothing compared to the way I felt, the feeling of being rejected the first time in your life.

I left her place and almost ran over Pongy who was waiting for me outside. He must have seen something in my face. “Let’s go to the cafe, It’d be empty now” he said

We ordered for something cool and sat in a table. “So, what did she say?” he asked.

I was not sure what to say. I was not a saint to forget all my feelings of dejection and happily congratulate him, even if he was my best friend.

He said “Think it did not turn out well. I may not be the best person to advise you on this. I don’t speak my heart out with girls. That’s why I don’t have a girlfriend, or the least any friend among girls. Don’t be like me.”

Hearing this, I spelt out in rage “Don’t be like you? Fool, you are the one she likes. That message was meant to be for you. You are so funny, cool enough to know hacking and good at almost everything. And you don’t want me to be like you?”

Pongy did not even wait to reply, he left just like that probably to meet Swathi. Good... Another love birds formed at my expense. I hated everything around me. I didn’t even have the money to pay for the drink we ordered. But that was the least of my worries. May be I should use the cell phone Pongy had left in his hurry to pay the bill; would serve him right.

Just then a message came in his cell from his ‘lady love’ Swathi. I didn’t wait to open it. It said “Hi Parangiri. I made fun of Rakesh using your name. Will explain in detail. Don’t take it serious”

Before I could decipher anything from the message Pongy came back, followed by Swathi. Her lips hardly spoke. But her expressions spoke millions. And we spoke to each other for zillion years to come. Do I have to say that it was a prank played by Swathi and we later got together?

But why did she do it first of all?

I did ask her this and she said “I did not want to be got that easy, and also I was not sure if you really loved me. Your expressions that day puzzled me until Parangiri cleared the doubts. It looked like you chose your words carefully to avoid any sort of commitment”

I was looking for a way to explain why my choice of vocabulary was limited that day due to the blisters when Pongy came “Dude I have one confession to make”.

I had completely forgot that he thought for a moment that Swathi was into him. Poor chap.... But one man’s loss is another man’s gain. You can’t avoid it.

“I know what you are thinking. It’s not that.” He snapped “Am not good enough in hacking to force open your PC or mail id. I was just pulling a trick on you and you opened up about Swathi’s proposal”

I was in no mood to get distracted about petty emotions like anger now. After everything, Swathi was with me. And also, but for Pongy I may never have spoken with her that day.